I have the honor of volunteering at a therapeutic riding facility in La Center, WA. It is a dream created through hard work by both horses and people. It is a place I like to allow the outside world to reflect my inside world. I believe my inside world shows me what is happening, by reflecting moments for me to experience, as it is reflected back by others.
Now, this can be amazing and it can also be not so amazing, depending on how deep-rooted my unconscious upheaval happens to be. This example I am going to share with you runs both deep and shallow and I am beginning to understand that how it resolves itself is entirely up to me.
I have been experiencing difficulty with a particular person for as long as I can remember. This is the sprinkle of upheaval in the outside reflection of my internal conversation. Over the past nine years I feel I have tried everything I can to resolve this upheaval. I have picked up the proverbial rock and studied it from every angle. I would be remiss if I didn’t share that many breakthroughs have been had while working through my stories, my anger, my frustrations and even my flowing tears. For all of my breakthroughs, I am overjoyed and thankful, BUT still, I have not found my happy place with this person. Why is this so important to me, you may ask. Because, I believe, that if I am in a place of genuine oneness, wholeness, I cannot be in conflict with myself or others.
Last Saturday at the farm was a glorious day for all – horses, people and cats. I was flowing with all the new information I’d gleaned over the week studying Natural Horsemanship and learning to support the Veterans in the program with PTSD. I was in the moment, open-hearted and giving. It felt fabulous. At the end of the day, I had a discussion with the people on the farm regarding an exchange that happened a couple of weeks ago with another volunteer. We had different approaches to an aggressive interaction between two horses. This was an event to be learned from. This was an event that needed to be discussed and resolved. In the end, an apology was asked of me, and in this moment I had two choices (well, the choices were in the millions but let’s keep it simple with two).
I could choose to go into defense mode and argue my case. Or I could choose to relax and open my heart. It took a moment to begin to get my many selves in alignment, but I chose to open my heart. I was asked to use specific language in future communications with this person so they don’t feel disrespected. I said I would do my best and genuinely meant it. My head was spinning with all that still wasn’t in alignment BUT I accepted and agreed to the request. What I saw in that moment was the Universe reflecting back to me where I am not in alignment with myself. A little turbulence wanting to come up and flow through. I considered how similar this interaction was to my unresolved difficulty from almost nine years ago. The outside world was reflecting my inside world and my inner voice made the connection. “Am I ready to let this go? Here is yet another opportunity.” Yes! Boom!! Set it down!!! Set down the rock and walk away into the beautiful sunset I just created.
To be sure, everyone plays their part. We all wear our own colored glasses. I can’t be responsible for others, but I sure can be responsible for myself. I have much respect for both antagonists in this story and for those who will show up later in my life. I love growing this big heart of mine.